Allow Yourself to be Used

(This post will discuss the incident that happened to my, then, 16-month- old son. There will be some things I will not discuss because there is ongoing litigation regarding this case. However, I do believe that the miracles we witnessed have tremendous potential to inspire faith.)

On May 16, 2014, I received a phone call from our previous daycare provider that I needed to meet the paramedics at the Children’s Hospital. She said they believed my son, Myles, was having a seizure. Myles had never had a seizure before, so my mind tried to figure out why he would be having one. I was closer to the hospital than the paramedics, so I arrived first.

Once they arrived with my baby, I was able to go in the back. Myles was still having seizures. I watched as they continuously gave him medications to stop the seizures. After what seemed to be forever, the seizures finally stopped, and they were able to take him to have a CT scan of his brain.

When they returned, they informed his father and I that they believed Myles had been shaken, but would know more with further testing. They said that he would need to immediately go into surgery to remove a blood clot from his brain that was causing pressure, which was causing the seizures. I bawled and I bawled. Everything was happening too fast.

The doctors allowed us to see him before he went into surgery. I leaned over to him and whispered in his ear, “Mommy loves you so much, and you are going to do great. The doctors are going to take care of you, but remember God is always here. God is going to heal you and you are going to be back in Mommy’s arms real soon.” I kissed him over and over again. Then I watched him be wheeled away on the stretcher. Did I believe that God was going to heal my baby at that moment? Yes. Without question, without a doubt, I believed that God was going to heal my baby. However, it broke me down to my core that I could not hold my baby in my arms the same way I dropped him off at daycare that morning.

Soon after Myles came out of surgery, I was able to go into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) to see him, which truly wasn't soon enough. I was told that a portion of his skull was temporarily left off to allow room for his brain to swell. He had a C-collar on his neck to stabilize his neck until they could run further tests to make sure everything was okay.

Further testing later showed that Myles had stretched ligaments in both his neck and back. They also found he had broken vessels in his eyes, and they weren’t certain that, if he lived, he would see again. He also had a stroke on the right side of the brain, which caused weakness on the left side of his body, and they weren’t certain that, if he lived, he would be able to walk again. The doctors said that he was a victim of Shaken Baby Syndrome and had received Blunt Force Trauma which resulted in a Traumatic Brain Injury. The daycare provider was arrested a couple of weeks later.

After having this experience, I am learning that the majority of people want to know how I feel about the daycare provider. I did not/do not want to think or talk about her. I wish I could get people to understand that if I thought about her, I would have to think about what actions took place in order for this type of injury to exist. As his mother, I did not want to have those thoughts. Myles was in an extremely critical situation, and I needed to focus my attention on him.

After his surgery, we were in the healing process. Doctors described it as the “waiting process”; we needed to wait and see if he was going to make it. I believed we were waiting on God to see Myles healed. I sat in expectation of full-restoration of my child. I kept my eyes on God. I had faith. The most difficult part of this journey was having enough strength to get through each day, because I was so emotionally drained.

We have to consider our thoughts when we are going through difficulties, from the smallest to the largest. Have you ever been around someone who constantly says negative things, hangs around negative people, and always has something negative going on in their life? Doesn’t it seem like every time you are around that person, they even make you feel negative? Our positive and negative thoughts draw positive and negative things to us. Proverbs 23:7a says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he" (KJV). I needed healing to surround us during this time, so I maintained thoughts of healing. If I chose to dwell in an angry place about what may have happened to cause these injuries, I truly believe we would not have seen the same outcome.

There were moments of setbacks, but ultimately, Myles was healed. Myles’ vision is close to fully restored, and he is walking and talking as much as a 21-month-old should. They told us that there could be delays in the future, but I continue to believe that Myles is whole and will have no difficulties. Doctors and nurses have repeatedly told us that they did not expect Myles to make the recovery he did. They rejoice in seeing him doing so well, and some have even given God praise.

One of my greatest frustrations of this ordeal is the way it has changed our lives’. I had just received a promotion with my job, and it was the first job I had that made me look forward to getting out of bed. I was working hard in order to ensure a well-rounded future for Myles. Everything I did was for him. I wanted to make sure I did everything in my power to give Myles my all, and I knew God would do the rest. Now, everything seems to be a struggle. So many crazy things have happened since Myles was discharged from the hospital, and I know that if I were working, these things would have been handled. However, I do not trust putting him back into daycare, so we have made the necessary cutbacks so I can be home with him. As I stood firm believing in Myles’ healing, I stand firmly in believing everything that has been lost will be fully restored.

In the end, I believe that God used this situation for His glory. People who were having difficulty in their faith walk have told me about how much Myles’ journey has inspired them, and brought them closer to God. Surrendering our lives’ to God does not mean we will have an easy path. There are times when we will want to question the reason we are going through some of the most devastating events of our lives’. However, if we allow our faith to remain strong, we will realize that many of the things we go through are for God’s purposes. We have to remove ourselves from the equation and believe that God has our best interest at heart. Consider what purpose God may be using you for at that moment. I knew that no matter the condition God brought my baby back to me, it would be God’s best. God brought my baby back to me, just as beautiful as he ever was, and being a busy little toddler.

Have faith that God has His best in store for you. Allow yourself to be used. 

Peace.

(If you would like to make a donation to the family, please go to: www.gofundme.com/helpmyles. Thank you in advance).

If you have any comments, questions, suggestions, or prayer requests, please feel free to email me at: faithfrfr2014@gmail.com.